Basically, we’re trying to take over the world, but we need your help.
Know of a store you think we’d fit well in? We’ll give you $300 credit if you make an intro that sticks. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org with suggestions, or print out the letter below and give it to a store buyer or manager.
In celebration of tournament season, we’d like to introduce our Criquet-sponsored pro-hitters… We sponsor golfers who are like us–living to the fullest and chasing the dream–these guys rock at golf and life in general.
We had the rare opportunity to sit down with The Founders of The Invitational Golf Tournament, which is rearing it’s magnificent head once again this Saturday. You may recognize “The Founders” as the psuedo-impersonators of Criquet co-founders, Billy and Hobson.
Here’s what we found:
(Hobson, Criquet Co-Founder): How did The Founders meet?
The Founders: Founders Meat is the bestselling meat in the market today.
Hobson: There’s no arguing that you both have got great style and an affinity for tight pants. Where does that come from? Why no shorts?
The Founders: Higgins Sliders, flat front, or a Speedo. Shorts are for babies, and girls.
Hobson: We’ve heard that the winner of “best mustache” at the Invitational takes home a golf cart. Can you talk about the qualities you look for in a ‘stache?
The Founders:A mustache is like fine wine: It gets better with cheese and crackers in it. Here is a picture of our Founders Reserve wine. Nothing washes a mustache down better than a free golf cart.
Hobson: You guys are known for your epic intros at the Invitational. In years past, you’ve landed a helicopter on the course, skydived onto the green, freed POW hostages, rapped with Bushwick Bill, etc.. How did that start? What’s been your favorite intro to date? How do you keep topping it?
The Founders: This is all true and to answer one of your three questions, we are inflamed with a ruthless, robust hunger for insatiable greed.
Hobson: We’ve heard rumors that TMZ and Dumpster Fire TV are in a bidding war for a reality show starring you guys. What’s the show about?
The Founders: From what we’ve been told it’s going to be very, very good. We’re not really involved in the decision making. Or the filming.
Hobson: If you could compare yourselves to a famous golfer(s) or famous person(s), who would that be? Why?
The Founders: We’re most frequently compared to Condoleeza Rice and Jon Hamm. Main difference is we’re taller.
Hobson: Ok, let’s say money and current marital status were not object, and we told you we would send you and six other people anywhere in the world for a golf trip, where would you go and who would you take?
The Founders: Sammy Davis Jr., Billy Nachman, Jimmy Carter, Hobson Brown, the ’86 Celtics, and Teen Wolf (Bateman, not Fox). We’d play one downs for $1000 – whipsawed with $50 no possession in flight whip out hammers. At Lions National. Where it begins and ends.