Do Google search for reclaimed wood, hens/rooster for sale & chicken coop tutorial of choice (like this one). Get to it like an all-star. Call up friends & tell of your prowess. Invite over for brunch. Collect eggs; make epic feast (here’s help); repeat on subsequent Sundays to secure “BrunchMaster” title in perpetuity.
Gather chutzpah & travel to Bandon, OR. Emulate Billy & Hobson of Criquet Shirts by packing up classic lightweight Mackenzie bags, setting 5 am alarm & conquering all of Bandon Dunes’ 72 holes in one day. Consider launching Kickstarter fund for lost balls. Play like champion (kilt optional); bask in glory; go home a king & sleep for a week.
Clear calendar for Sun, Jun 17; use promo code THANKSDAD at Criquet Shirts by Jun 12 for 20% off the perfect gift w free shipping. Order retro cans of Adrian Grenier’s new Churchkey beer & fire up Black+Blum grill; invite Dad over for chops & brews. Toast to spaghetti westerns, classic war movies & uncomfortable silences.
Clear spot in yard. Gather old windows to compile two equal sides. Go to Instructables; follow directions. Visit local nursery for seeds. Plant. Cultivate kickass garden; make ridiculous food. Be envy of neighborhood.
To prep, do one or both of the following: 1) Donate to Big Sky Honor Flight & give WWII vets oppty to see their own memorial in DC; 2) Become USO volunteer. Afterward, whip up Dean Martin’s all-American burger recipe; sub out bourbon w Deep Eddy vodka. Raise toast to flag. Swill. Salute.
Start with 100% certified organic Perfect Pique Criquet shirt. Add 1 pair Knowledge Cotton Apparel twisted twill chinos. Serve over TOMS. Reduce situation on face w 2 dollops Seattle Sundries soap + razor. Clean shirt? Check. New shoes? Check. Crazy-ass waist-length beard? Gone. Serve liberally & watch ‘em come runnin’ just as fast as they can.
Alleviate cases of Monday by reducing exposure to VOCs and toxic coworkers. Bring in badass CounterEvolution table made from reclaimed bowling lane a la Criquet Shirts & Shake Shack. Accessorize w stuff from Eco First Art. Hand out Progress Coffee to all that help. Sit back & give self raise.
Clear calendar. Invite mom to brunch on Sun, May 13 at place of her choice. Shave ‘stache. Douse w/ deodorant (no patchouli). Mix Pai organic skin care gift set (Portman’s favorite), Tom’s Ballet Flats with a peacock blue Lady’s Player Shirt. Apologize categorically for all dumb sh*t you’ve done. Repeat as needed.
Week of May 14-18, be baddest thing on wheels in celebration of Bike to Work Week. Pit stop for fair trade coffee en route; even better, find bike shop like Mellow Johnny’s to pour it & let you shower there too. Swagger into office; store bike on rack from PUBLIC. Repeat. Bask in awesomeness.
Make like a millinery & festoon sombreros w ribbons, plumes. Arrange friends in front of TV; place bets. Muddle organic sugar + mint w Woodford Reserve, pour into Boylan soda glasses from GreenGlass in lieu of julep cups. Serve w chips+queso. Play Rodrigo y Gabriela during commercials for balance. Win many pesos. Drink mightily.
She's the advice-giver here at Criquet. We ask her questions, she gives us answers... but she only speaks in recipes. It's a little weird, but she's always right, so we just take it for what it is. Word has it she used to be an EarthFirst!er but got kicked out for daring to show up to a tree sit with deodorant on. So now she's here with us, smelling delightful and dispensing good green living advice when she's not glued to Pinterest or going out on dates with some tall Serbian dude. We thought we'd share her with you, and she seems cool with it, but if a 6'4 Yugoslavian shows up at your door, just run, man. RUN.
