Happy Earth Day, hippies!
Earth Day often cruises under the radar, because the people who came up with it made the mistake of forgetting that every great holiday MUST have food. But all joking aside, I, your humble caddie, am asking you to take a moment to consider how you’re contributing to the preservation of our earthly home. And I’m here to give you some top tier advice on how you can do just that.
But first a quick question—do you think Elon Musk will claim Mars day? He must already be planning it, right? I’d be willing to bet that’s what this whole “space” thing is about. There is no sweeter glory in life than creating a holiday.
So without further ado, here’s my list of things you can’t forget on Earth Day:
Go natural on Mother Earth’s birthday. Start things off with that vegan superfood smoothie you never thought you’d drink. You can go back to your microwave sausage tomorrow. Today pinch your nose and slug down some liquid greens. Yummmm.
For lunch, pack yourself a salad made of veggies from your garden. Don’t have a garden? You have the go-ahead to steal from your neighbor’s garden. There are no such things as property lines on Earth Day. It’s in the by-laws.
Dinner? Absolutely go with bean burgers. Maybe a butternut squash soup on the side.
Bike to work
Mountain bike, commuter, sexy Peugeot Super Vitus (the holy grail), whatever your style, dust off that thing in your garage and give the junker a rest. Personally, I prefer my Sunday Forecaster Aaron Ross Signature BMX (equipped with rear pegs in case I happen to have a date).
100% organic cotton Players Shirts, which means the super-comfy, extra-stylish vintage shirt on your back came from the earth without any help from pesticides. It’s a no brainer.
Equip your Players Shirts with our brand new brass collar stay pack. Sturdy and eco-conscious, with style.
Have yourself a few hop sodas. You can basically taste the sun warming the barley field, the snow on the Rocky Mountains, the terroir. Beer is like experiencing the natural cycle in a drink. VERY earth conscious. I recommend enjoying a full six for the desired effect.
Just remember to stay classy and recycle those cans.
Smoke the good stuff
This one’s totally up to you, but why stop at just eating and drinking plants? Roll up a zoot, park yourself on the sofa, throw on Planet Earth and let the sounds of Sir David Attenborough’s voice wash over you.
Take a second
Get away from all the noise, even if it’s just for an hour. Make a fire, kick back on a camping chair, look at the stars. Take a second to think about all those crazy space fruits we’ll have on Mars. Most importantly, remember that our home course is a ball in an expanse of uncharted space and we would do well to keep it tidy.
Just make sure to come back to society eventually, or you might end up like those folks in Wild, Wild Country. Yikes.
Cheers, and be the ball.
The Criquet Caddie