Here is how it begins. Sometime on Tuesday (after consulting the forecast) I send a quick group text to the usual suspects to see if I can round up a foursome for the weekend. It goes something like this.
Fast forward to Thursday:
10 minutes later:
You get the point. Wrangling a bunch of meatheads is next to impossible once you reach an age where you can no longer come and go as you please. The only good side of this organizational nightmare is that you actually get to chalk up a small victory by simply blocking out the date and time. Plus you get a few days to look forward to the round, make sure your favorite golf shirt is clean and obsess about the weather forecast which somehow always ends up being “iffy” no matter what.
You see, in a 40 hour a week hum-drum life, a five hour chunk of time on the golf course is an oasis of bliss in a desert of dull. For some reason, one of the big knocks on golf is that it takes too long to play. Au contraire mon fraire. This is exactly why golf is so awesome. Sure I love a quick three hour round in the middle of the week, but a 4.5 hour marathon followed up by an hour at the clubhouse knocking back a few cold ones is something to be cherished. Yes, a full day outside with the fellas whacking the little white ball around and yakking about topics that range from “how hot is Lindsey Vonn?”, to “is Jason Dufner secretly the coolest guy on the PGA?” to “who will be chosen on the Bachelor”. (what? so one else is curious?)
Unfortunately, not everyone sees the big picture. Too often guys dash from the 18th green straight to the car in hopes that somehow getting back after 5 hours is significantly better than 6. Look, your wife either hates that you play golf or you totally over-estimate how much she cares that you are at home. Either way, arriving home at 3pm rather than 4:30 is not going to earn you any brownie points so why don’t you make the most of the day. Believe me, they will only get fewer and farther in between. The sooner everyone accepts that an afternoon of golf also includes an extra hour rehashing every monster drive and unlucky missed putt, the better.
Bonus advice: Unless you are on a first name basis with the trainer at the gym, resist the urge to wear a bright orange performance golf shirt. Instead throw on a soft cotton polo that harkens back to the golden age of golf.By Adam Staelin: Three Guys Golf