Wisdom from The Clubhouse

Style Tip #46

For those of us in our 30′s and 40′s, Garanimals harken back to days gone by and simpler times. Way back in 1972, this ingenious company realized they could capitalize on the fact that pre-teen boys have exactly zero fashion sense. With Garanimals guidance, moms could rest easy that their pride and joy would never again fall prey to mismatched stripes and plaids (paging Mr. Poulter). Confused no more, kids could simply pair tigers and bears and, presto, ready to cruise the halls of middle school in style.

Fast forward 40 years, and I have a sneaky suspicion that there is a new breed of Garanimals stalking the fairways on the PGA tour. Exactly when did it become cool to roll out in one single color? I suppose I can forgive Rickie Fowler paying tribute to his Alma Mater by donning Oklahoma orange on Sundays. The same cannot be said for the likes of Sean O’Hair, who recently decided to go full spearmint green or Sergio Garcia who regularly runs solid yellow or blue (including shoes and hat).

Ryder Cup Outfits 2014? Let’s hope not.

Perhaps most egregious is the fact that someone is getting paid a ton of money to choose outfits for these guys. Just like the modern day disc jockey, don’t think for a second that tour pros have any control over their playlist. The forgiving critic would chalk up this color by numbers travesty to a last minute wardrobe script thrown together by a colorblind intern. Unfortunately, the reality is that PGA players’ outfits are meticulously selected by fashion experts months in advance, hence some wannabe Andy Warhol is fully to blame.

What then is at the root of this fashion atrocity? Could it be an unrealized karmic homage to the iconic Teletubbies? Was Sean O’Hair giving a secret “shout out” to his childhood hero Dipsy? Is Sergio Garcia giving his Brody-like hand signals to Laa-Laa?

Whoever or whatever is to blame needs to be stopped before it gets completely out of hand. The odds are simply too good that one Sunday, four highly paid men are going to show up on the 1st tee and realize they risk being confused for the cast of a morning children’s show. Don’t think it can happen? I have personally witnessed identically color-matched twosomes fidget their way around the track while Feherty literally empties his basket of snarkiness on them for 6 hours.

Be warned ye of the fairway army. No matter how many PGA players choose to wear solid color uniforms, avoid this monochrome outfit at all costs. Not to fear, Criquet Shirts is  on a quest for the perfect polo.  Criquet’s vintage inspired golf shirts are made with super soft 100% certified organic cotton.  And while there are many solid colors, Criquet won’t let you wear them with matching pants. Flip flops are optional.

Criquet Shirts : Vintage, yes. Classic, definitely. Dopey, never.

Written by Adam Staelin: Three Guys Golf
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