Big news! Your favorite clothes dealer just released a brand new collection of Players Shirts for spring. I’ll let you browse the selection yourselves, but it’s important that you know these colors weren’t just selected willy-nilly. Actually—despite what our designers may say—I selected them myself, and their story goes back to a walk on South 1st St. in Austin, Texas one summer afternoon.
Here’s what happened: one day last summer I spent my lunch break trying to hammer out a new chapter in my book: my life’s work, if you will. It’s one part comprehensive theory of the science/philosophy of golf, one part romping history of your favorite caddie (me).
Anyway, on this fateful day I filled a whole notebook with new ideas. The work flow was so on-point that I had to start writing on the napkins I’d just used to mop the orange taco grease off my face. It felt like something Einstein had to deal with at some point in his life.
This particular days’ work focused on a scientific inquiry into the psychological effect of natural scenery on player performance. Real heavy shit. For you laymen, it’s basically a theory of color in which I used some cutting edge science that I won’t get into here.
And look, before you call me a nerd, know this: I consider myself a pretty simple, salt-of-the-earth kinda guy, but if you stand around looking at the same weekend heroes playing the same holes for years of your life, you can lose your mind with boredom. So, you develop a natural curiosity for what’s going on around you (namely, why do so many dudes keep slicing off the tee at the 12th??).
Feeling a little peeved that I hadn’t reached a solid conclusion that afternoon, I closed my notebook, shoved the napkins in my pocket, and started my walk home. Two Diet Cokes already had my nervous system crackling. Aspartame high was immanent. I dunked my straw in a fresh soda and after the first sip, it hit me: I had to go out into the world myself and conduct a deep study on colors. After all, this information directly related to my research and to the upcoming line of Players Shirts that had been currently in the works.
I convinced the founders to let me trek the country in search of experiences and new colors that we could use as inspiration in our Spring Players Shirts. The trip was a success, to say the least. I came back with more stories for the big book AND an inspired selection of colors for this season.
So without further ado, I give you a few highlights from the new lineup:
Dark ’n Stormy— For the drink, obviously, but also for an epic round in Metairie, LA during which a certain basketball player and I polished off about seven of these bad boys each under a looming black thundercloud before challenging the thunder god to a rap battle.
Solo Red— For a big homecoming at my alma mater (SEC, but I won’t say where). I woke up in a bunker on the 18th next to a scale model of the Disneyworld castle made out of sand using only a red solo cup.
Big League Chew— For that time I blacked out and umpired behind the plate for a full game of little league baseball. To this day they still talk about my theatrical (and definitely appropriate) strikeout calls in Galena, Illinois.
Braveheart Blue— to commemorate that time I saw Mel Gibson at a cafe in California, the iconic blue shade painted on his face, reciting that one speech verbatim to an absolutely horrified barista.
Thanks again to Hobson and Billy for footing the bill of my exploits…and sorry for that hotel invoice in Tucson.
Be the ball,
The Criquet Caddie