Wisdom from The Clubhouse

The Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts, in No Particular Order

Ah, yes. Valentine’s Day: that one holiday that has no particular significance other than if you forget to give your significant other a gift, you’ll be in deep doo-doo.

We all know that gift-giving can be a hard and strenuous task, but try not to make it harder on yourself by getting him or her a bad gift. They do exist, and unfortunately for those of us doomed to an uncreative personality, it’s not always “the thought that counts.”

To help you out, we’ve compiled a short list of the V-day present pitfalls. Avoid gifting these at all costs, and if you receive one of these, it might be time to start setting up that E-Harmony account.

1. Puppy


Nothing says “I love you” like giving someone a creature that poops all over the house then stays with this person long after your relationship has ended, kindly serving as a constant reminder of love lost.   Style points added for naming the pup then handing “Parker” or “Lucy” or whomever to the lucky recipient.

2. Gym Membership


It probably doesn’t help that you bought them a box of heart-shaped chocolates to go with it.

3. Tattoo of His or Her Name


Right next to the tattoo of Ashley, and Mary…. And Stacey..

4. Nicolas Cage Pillow Case


“For Valentine’s Day this year, I got you nightmares.”

5. A Little Coat for a Fat Man


It’s just not going to work out.

6. Tom Brady’s Balls


Nothing like a couple of deflated balls to kill the romance.

8.   Green Spandex Suit


No explanation necessary… hopefully.

Just for fun, imagine for a second that you gave this present to someone for Valentine’s Day.  What would you say when they opened it?

8. Dude Wipes


These probably would not go over well.

9. Smittens


Give “attached at the hip” an entirely new–and much more desperate–meaning.

10. Snuggie


Nothing says, “our sex life sucks” like a pair of snuggies.

11.  A Puppy in a Snuggie


When we said this list was in “no particular order”, we lied. Because this is the worst and most disturbing Valentine’s Day gift, ever. Run, don’t walk away from this relationship. And don’t accept the gift.