A public service on 1/1/2014.
Some days you wake up and need the ‘Hair of the Dog’ that bit you. But once a year you call for the ‘Hide of the Beast’ that tore your scalp clean off your skull, leaving your neurons exposed to a legion of tiny evil elves who gleefully drive their pickaxes into every crevice of your being.
Yes, I speak of the acrid aftermath of the previous night’s champagne, cocktails, beer, more champagne, and ‘Oh God, did I do two shots of Jameson?’
Your condition can best be described by the immortal words of Robert Stack: “Do you know what it’s like to fall in the mud and be kicked…in the head…with an iron boot?
So, lest all these extra words feel like Thor’s hammer clanging against the inside of your brain parts, I present to you Noonan’s secret elixir to regaining a modicum of composure on this, the first day in the year of our Lord, two thousand and fourteen.
- Tomato juice (V-8 will work)
- Worcestershire (6 healthy shakes)
- Tabasco (6 dashes – no more, no less)
- Black pepper (a sprinkle or two)
- Celery Salt (a couple dashes)
- Horseradish (a little scoop, but a big difference)
- 2 shots of vodka. Or if you’re the daring sort, gin.
Mix, drink, repeat as needed. Now, for those too bleary-eyed to read…
Plus either of these:
Be the ball,