Noonan at Noon

Noonan at Noon: Know Thy Selfie

To thine own selfie be true.” – said Shakespeare, never.

My friends,

In the off hours from my worthy summertime pursuits of golf, barbeque, and ice-cold gin rickeys, I began to notice a disturbing trend take shape in the Social Medias (y’know, the place we go to stalk the people we haven’t spoken to in five years). “Welcome to 2009, Noonan”, I hear you saying. And yes, granted, the selfie is not necessarily a new phenomenon, I just don’t remember them being so brazenly ever-present.

Shakespeare attempting one of the first-ever documented selfies, along with the first ever-documented hairstyle known as the “Gallagher.”

Whereas once the selfie was the occasional and understandable “Hey, here I am in Mongolia in front of the orphanage I just built!“ or “Is it normal for a unicorn horn to be growing from my forehead?”, it has now turned into “Hey! here’s me doing something that 99% of you could give a rat’s patoot about, and I’m forcing you to look at me—AND YOU SHALL LOOK AT ME, DAMMIT!” The frozen smile, the vapid searching eyes, and the expression that says “if this doesn’t get at least 10 likes my life will be meaningless.”

A few weeks ago it was announced, that Kim Kardashian is releasing a book of selfies in the spring of 2015 (mark your calendars not to get it!). It’s not so much a book, per se, as it is a collection of pictures Kim Kardashian took of herself. Which means it’s not so much a collection of pictures she took of her herself, per se, as it the marker for how far we’ve fallen as a civilization. She may hold the distinct honor of being the official signpost for when humanity went over the cliff.

Sorry grandfathers who fought in WWII, this is what we did with the freedom you gave us.

Then there was the recent iCloud caper in which thousands of celebrity photos were leaked online for the leering enjoyment of America’s youth and creepy divorcées. Aside from the gross invasion of privacy, it brought to light another take on the selfie: the nude selfie. Apparently this is a thing with a lot of people. A LOT of people. This just further confirms my suspicion that most of life is like one big Eyes Wide Shut party to which yours truly was not invited.

“Hey, who brought a camera in here?”

What do we do in this new world where everyone clamors for a ‘like’, an LOL, or the comment equivalent of “Hey, I see you seeing yourself!” as a validation of one’s existence? Perhaps my own selfie will yield some sort of clarity…

Noonan in the raw.

Hmm. Nah. I’m heading back out to the course. I’ll see you on the 19th. Until then, as always,

Be the Ball,


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