Resolution No. 1: Lose weight
Extra carbs and sugar are the direct result of 6 craft beers a night and the certain dietary choices they arouse: mainly late night junk food. This one's an easy fix. Impose a strict, no-nonsense, two beer limit on all extracurricular events. If you’re out in the evening with friends, you’re most likely drinking beers, but drag things out past two beers and you’ve got fast food on the mind in no time.
With that said, events exempted from this rule include the following: any 19th hole event, tailgates, birthdays, federal holidays, paydays, weddings, bachelor parties (obviously), football games, basketball games, major golf tournaments, visits to your alma mater, etc.
Resolution No. 2: Spend less, save more
Play more municipal golf courses. You’re saving money for a good cause. A personal favorite here in Austin is the hallowed Lions Muny, but whether your municipal course is historic or not, show both it and your wallet some love. Plus, because you’re saving money (and your local Muny) feel free to take liberties with the two-beer rule.
Alternatively, because we know you’re not really that good at golf anyway, go ahead and skip holes 1-18 whenever you feel like it and just make a beeline for the 19th, where there’s always a friendly lie and you won't lose any balls.
Resolution No. 3: Spend more time with family and friends
Bring distant family or old friend groups together every once in a while. Treat them to a meal if possible. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, but it goes a long way when you bring people together, even if it’s over Whataburger or Chipotle. It should be noted that, any time spent with family or friends you haven’t seen in over 3 months automatically qualifies for exemption from the two-beer rule.
Resolution No. 4: Travel more
Explore a new city and find a new city and ask a trustworthy local (ie. Someone wearing Criquet) where to find the best 19th hole. Travel nourishes the soul, or something. NOTICE: Any night in a new city is obviously exempt from the two-beer rule.
Resolution No. 5: Stay fit and healthy
This is a matter of perspective. Take care of your body, but don’t go crazy. As in, don’t hurt yourself out there. I can't endorse a gladiator workout if it has you breaking down by the time you’re in your 40s. There’s plenty of golf to be played, people.
And this may be a judgement call, but if you’ve worked up a good enough sweat, feel free to break the two beer rule. After all, you’ve earned it.
Resolution No. 6: Enjoy life to the fullest
This one boils down to an even simpler mantra: “be the ball.” Embrace spontaneity. Have rules? Break ‘em. For example, the two beer rule. Life is short-- it’s not always easy to "be the ball," but nothing worthwhile is easy, right? I've definitely heard someone say that once.
The Criquet Caddie